I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
