This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
