i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
