i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
