the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
