Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
