the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
