She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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