At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
