I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
