alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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