atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
