I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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