Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
