Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
