I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
