Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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