I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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