I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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