I will die if light touches me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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