He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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