Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
