I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize