Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
