Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
