What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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