On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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