I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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