sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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