May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
