why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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