What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
