i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
