I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
