Sponge bath it is.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
