Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
