I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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