your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
