hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
