she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
