i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
