I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
