i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is classic penis vs brain.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
