I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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