i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
