Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
