he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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