Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
3pm strippers are depressing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
