So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
