He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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