brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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