No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
