here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
