Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
