when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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