Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
