My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize