Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
