I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
