Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
