watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
