I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
