you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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