Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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