My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
