I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
