If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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