saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had sex on a roof
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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