His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I fill condoms, not promises.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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