Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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