I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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