you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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