the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
