I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
