took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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